"To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them."

-President Thomas S. Monson

     The topic this week is parents and their influence they have on children and ways to become better parents.

     “Parents in North America have become prone to asking their children rather than telling them. “It’s natural,” says Gordon Neufeld, a prominent Vancouver psychologist cited in Sax’s book. “Intuitively, we know that if we’re coercive, we’re going to get resistance.” For trivial choices such as which color of pants to wear, this approach is fine, he says. But “when we consult our children about issues that symbolize nurturance like food, we put them in the lead.” That triggers an innate psychological response, and their survival instincts activate: “They don’t feel taken care of and they start taking the alpha role.” So, if the girl served green peas does eat one bite as her dad asked, Sax says, “she is likely to believe that she has done her father a favor and that now he owes her a favor in return.” Food may be the first manifestation of the collapse of parenting, but many of the problems within families are a result of this type of role confusion. In this way, what happens over a meal is a metaphor for how uncomfortable parents have become in their position as the “alpha” or “pack leader” or “decider” of the family—the boss, the person in charge. The grown-up.”

     Parents need to be aware that they are the ones in charge and need to take responsibility and parent.  Parents can teach children and be examples.  They need to “stick to their guns” so to speak and need to be firm but loving.  The Family A Proclamation to The World, it says “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” 

     My parents taught me what was right and gave me direction.  They didn’t allow me to persuade them in ways that were wrong.  Going back to the food example, if I said “Mom! I don’t want to eat vegetables!”  She would reply “Well, vegetables give your body vitamins and minerals.  They help your body grow and be healthy.  If you don’t eat your vegetables than your body won’t get all those vitamins and minerals and will get hurt.  Your body will be damaged.” After explaining all these things to me, I ate my vegetables.  This is what I mean by “sticking to your guns” and being the parent.  Parents need to properly explain and communicate to their children the why and how of every situation so children can better understand the reasoning. 

     “When parents intentionally monitor their children, there is a protective effect against many teen risk behaviors for families in both middle-class populations and poor urban environments. Parents who are actively involved in their teens' lives are moderating the effect of peer influence into late adolescence. On the other hand, unsupervised time, exposure to sexual possibilities, and out-of-home care tend to increase sexual behavior. But improved communication between parents and children works to reduce sexual risk behaviors.”

     Parents can help children in every aspect of life and need to have open, clear communication and explain to children and teens.  The effects of good parenting start here.

References

Gulli, Cathy. “The Collapse of Parenting: Why It's Time for Parents to Grow Up.” Macleans.ca, 13 Jan. 2017, www.macleans.ca/society/the-collapse-of-parenting-why-its-time-for-parents-to-grow-up/

“Parental Connectedness: Effects of Good Parenting.” PositiveChoices.com, www.positivechoices.com/blog/2010/06/parental-connectedness-part-10-effects-good-parenting.